LARD HAT

"Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."

Fri, 24 May 2013 15:04:38 +0200

“Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”

- The philosophy of immortality (via explore-blog)

Aprende Más Inglés - madridingles.es: Habla Inglés y Ayuda a UNICEF!

Tue, 07 May 2013 12:09:25 +0200

Aprende Más Inglés - madridingles.es: Habla Inglés y Ayuda a UNICEF!:

madridingles:

Por fin ha llegado el día! Empieza a hablar hoy con Inglés Para Principiantes 2, mi nuevo libro que explica 30 temas imprescindibles del inglés básico. Está ya a la venta en Amazon.com, Amazon.es y iBooks de Apple o directamente de mi.

El libro es una continuación del …

Great! laurabfernandez: City lights. ©2013laurabfernández (Or...

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:53:05 +0100

Great!

laurabfernandez:

City lights.

©2013laurabfernández

(Or how to NOT take a night city landscape)

Lardhat is moving...

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 20:48:17 +0100

For now, you can find it at: expatmadrid.wordpress.com.

Kobo Librería Online

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:42:48 +0100

La librería online Kobo (basada en Tokio) es un sitio que tiene muchos de mis libros y también publican muchos otros autores independientes. Me parecen bastante simpáticos y son una opción si no quieres dar más dinero a Apple o Amazon.

kobobooks.com—»

Como ligar con guiris

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 14:10:00 +0100

Debido al aplastante éxito de mi artículo de ayer “Cómo ligar en inglés” he buscado un poco más información sobre el tema. He encontrado una verdadera abundancia de artículos por hombres españoles que hablan de sus experiencias con las americanas o las chicas del norte de Europa.

Lardhat has moved! Lee el resto de este artículo en »> expatmadrid.com

Cómo ligar en inglés

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 15:27:00 +0100

Una importante empresa internacional de enseñanza de idiomas me ha mandado (en cambio por mi correo electrónico y un número de teléfono—falso por cierto) una guía de cómo desenvolverte en una primera cita en inglés.

He sacado esta joya del capítulo 3:

Hay más que recordar al llegar a un restaurante si eres el hombre en la relación, pero esto no difiere de la etiqueta común a la mayoría de las culturas de todo el mundo. Los hombres siempre deberán considerar los siguientes comportamientos:

i) Abrirle la puerta a la dama.

ii) Preguntarle si puedes quitarle la chaqueta (suponiendo que un mesero o mesera no lo haya hecho).

iii) Asegurarte que se siente y empujar su silla hacia la mesa si es necesario.

iv) Siempre permitirle ordenar su comida o bebida antes que tú, y elegir el vino si ella lo desea.

v) Ofrécete a pagar. Es aceptable dividirlo, pero sólo si la dama insiste.

vi) Nunca, nunca interrumpas a tu compañera cuando ella esté hablando - ¡a menos que sea urgente!

Teniendo todas estas reglas básicas en mente, ambos podrán concentrarse en la importancia de elegir sus alimentos.

Estas frases pueden ser útiles:

Etc etc etc.

Teniendo en cuenta estos interesantes consejos, tendría que decir lo siguiente de mi (limitada) experiencia con salir con una dama en Madrid:

i) Sigo esperando que un mesero (o mesera) de esta cuidad se acerque a quitarle el abrigo a la dama que me acompaña.

ii) Las damas de hoy en día son capaces de acomodarse en las sillas sin ayuda de un varón y no estamos viviendo en una película de los años cincuenta.

iii) Si una persona ha vivido en España más de 6 meses y no se ha dado cuenta de la necesidad de interrumpir a la gente, es que es imbécil.

iv) Si has llegado a un punto en tu vida en el que te parece buena idea tomar consejos sentimentales de una importante empresa internacional que se dedica a la enseñanza de idiomas, quizá sea una señal que necesitas cambiar algo en tu comportamiento.

v) Si te olvidas de algunas de las importantes frases incluidas en la guía, por ejemplo “Is it possible to have this dish without mushrooms?” no dudes en llevar una hoja con algunas frases clave. No hay nada que desagrada más a una mujer como un hombre comiendo champiñones.

Al final estaba un poco decepcionado con la guía porque el último capítulo sólo decía cómo pedir una segunda cita. No incluía frases importantes como:

“Would you like to go back to my place and check out my stamp collection?”

“I promise your boyfriend will never find out about anything that goes on between us.”

“You’re on the pill, right? Because I’ve just had a little accident.”

“I swear, this is the first time it’s ever happened to me.”

“No, of course I find you attractive. I’m just going through a lot of stress at work these days.”

“Really? I never would have thought they weren’t real! Your plastic surgeon deserves a Nobel Prize or something.”

Y otras cosas al estilo que podrían ser necesarios en un momento de pasión.

Pero bueno. Ahora que soy escritor me toca a mi dejar de criticar y ponerme a escribir algo mejor!

Próximamente en Amazon: 6 Claves Para Ligar en Inglés.

Oh, just shut up and have some horse meat!

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 23:00:00 +0100

Horse meat is back in the news! No, not because it’s been found in lasagna or hamburgers in Tesco. Not because all of England and Ireland are on Emergency Horse Alert. No, horse steak is in fact in the news because I’m writing about it.

Here’s the article: A Horse is a Horse on Vaya Madrid! lifestyle magazine

My first thought upon hearing about the recent International Horse Meat Crisis was, “Honestly, who the fuck does a DNA test on a hamburger?”

My second thought was, “It’s my duty as a proud horse-eating citizen of Europe to stand up against the barbarians who would have us shun horse meat! To the Batmobile!”

My horse butcher is pretty cool, anyway. You should go visit her. Tell her I sent you!

And if you want to tell me I’m a terrible person, well, sorry. Tumblr’s comment function is pretty limited. Guess you’ll just have to reblog! Mua ha ha ha ha!

BTW: Here’s the controversy surrounding my horse steak video on youtube: The Great Horse Steak Controversy Continues.

Three goats. Colmenarejo, Madrid, Spain.

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 19:14:46 +0100

Three goats. Colmenarejo, Madrid, Spain.

Scenes from the Spanish Crisis: Local Wives Turned Escorts

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 12:04:34 +0100

VALLECAS

MARRIED SPANISH WOMEN FALLEN ON HARD TIMES

STARTING AT 140 CM CHEST

TOTAL DISCRETION

24 HOURS (ALSO HOUSE CALLS)

You know your country’s in crisis when an “escort service” starts offering local housewives who need help paying the mortgage.

ESL Worksheets for Kids from Miss Lucy

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:48:16 +0100

Miss Lucy’s Teaching Fun has a new page where you can buy some of her worksheets for young learners of English. In addition to being a great teacher, Miss Lucy is also a great designer.

Check it out here: childrenseslworksheets.bigcartel.com

Peace!

Valentine's Day in Madrid

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 23:00:00 +0100

Years ago, people in Madrid unanimously agreed that Valentines Day was a stupid American holiday only celebrated by stupid Americans. They’d say things like, “We’re Spanish. We don’t need these silly Hollywood ideas.”

Now they’re all going out and buying flowers for Valentine’s Day. Taking their significant others out for dinner. You know. Stupid American things.

What a difference a decade makes.

Freaky vs Friki

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:51:45 +0100

The other day I wrote an article that I feel is destined for fame in the Spanish-speaking world. It’s about the word friki, which Spanish people use to describe some kind of Star Wars geek, computer nerd, or Twilight fangirl. Here’s the article: Cómo se dice friki en inglés?

It was pretty tough to write, actually, because I’m always having to resist the urge to be graphic and explicit in the details. I didn’t want to have my serious educational website banned in schools around the world, so I held back, and limited myself to mentioning Fifty Shades of Grey just once.

I didn’t put any sort of side by side comparison between English and Spanish. I just mentioned that sometimes anglicisms are not used very precisely by Spanish people.

Oye, tío! Tu hermana es una friki! could be translated as “Hey, dude! Your sister really likes Lord of the Rings!”

Whereas “Hey, dude! Your sister is really freaky!” probably means, Oye, tronco! Me he acostado con tu hermana y me ha abierto los ojos a muchas nuevas prácticas sexuales!

Anyway. There’s no point to this post. I just want my (massively small) English-speaking audience to know, too: many anglicisms aren’t terribly accurate. Don’t be offended if somebody calls you freaky.

And with that, let me get back to my serious job: explaining the difference between the pronunciation of beach and bitch.

Spanish Sabores food blog

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:20:00 +0100

One of the other writers collaborating with Vaya Madrid magazine is Lauren, who has a really well-done food blog (among other things). Check it out at Spanish Sabores.

Her recipe for Rabo de Toro looks excellent. I think I might make it this weekend.

Rabo is on my list of the 10 best Spanish foods.

Check it out!

Emilio Botín, President of Banco Santander, owns this house,...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 13:23:26 +0100

Emilio Botín, President of Banco Santander, owns this house, overlooking Playa de los Peligros. I don’t think he hangs out there very much… He’s probably a pretty busy guy. But it looks like a nice place.

The building in the back is the Hotel Real, the best in Santander.

P.S. The North of Spain is awesome.

"Everyday, millions of innocent children are unwillingly part of a terrible dictatorship. The..."

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 15:39:00 +0100

“

Everyday, millions of innocent children are unwillingly part of a terrible dictatorship. The government takes them away from their families and brings them to cramped, crowded buildings where they are treated as slaves in terrible conditions. For seven hours a day, they are indoctrinated to love their current conditions and support their government and society. As if this was not enough, they are often held for another two hours to exert themselves almost to the point of physical exhaustion, and sometimes injury. Then, when at home, during the short few hours which they are permitted to see their families they are forced to do additional mind-numbing work which they finish and return the following day.

This isn’t some repressive government in some far-off country. It’s happening right here: we call it school.

”

- When he was in the ninth grade, open-access champion Aaron Swartz, who took his life last month, stood up in front of his school assembly and read this, affirming the need to change educational paradigms away from the factory model of schooling. (via explore-blog)

My comment:

This is exactly how I felt about it when I was a kid.

Now I just think “Young people. Bah! Screw ‘em!”

The Joys of Misery

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 09:50:45 +0100

When the Spartans and their allies overcame the Persians at Platea in 479 BC, the spoils included the great pavilion tents of King Xerxes, along with the King’s cooks, wine stewards, and kitchen servants. For a joke, the Spartan King Pausanias ordered the Persian chefs to prepare a typical dinner, the kind they would make for the Persian King. Meanwhile, he had his own cooks whip up a standard Spartan meal.

The Persian chefs produced a lavish banquet, composed of multiple courses, served on golden plates and topped off by the most sumptuous cakes and delicacies. The Spartans’ grub was barley bread and pig’s blood stew.

When the Spartans saw the two meals side by side, they burst out laughing. “How far the Persians have travelled,” declared Pausanias, “to rob us of our poverty!”

—The Warrior Ethos by Steven Pressfield.

Seriously? We have anarchists planting bombs in the cathedral?

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 15:23:04 +0100

A bomb has been found and disarmed in the Almudena Cathedral, and an anarchist group has taken responsibility.

The group is named after Mateo Morral, who killed a bunch of innocent people in an attempt to bomb King Alfonso XIII on his wedding day, right around the corner on Calle Mayor, in 1906.

Here’s the article in El País (in Spanish).

Weird.

This blog’s word cloud, made by wordle.net

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 12:30:00 +0100

This blog’s word cloud, made by wordle.net

Zombies and Sleepwalkers

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:27:00 +0100

“Most people—95% of people—are sleepwalking through life. Life is something they see on TV. They’re just trying to get through the day. Life is something that happens to them, not something they do.”

From Richard Rossi on a Special Edition I Love Marketing podcast. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the basic idea.

Life pro tip: If you’re an entrepreneur or self-employed person of any kind, listen to I Love Marketing. It’s awesome.